Reset........

It feels like someone just hit the reset button in my life. On Friday Rachael moved away and Alicia finished her last day at work and will be moving away in a few days. So, two of my besties, two of the people I share my life with, two of the people who I'm proud to call my Chicago family are gone. And all of a sudden I'm that scared and lonely 22 year old girl again.
I had the honor of driving down to Lincoln with Rachael to help her get settled into her new place. We got SO much accomplished, shared some laughs, great local donuts and a a few photo-ops. As I stepped on the train to say goodbye I felt so small and helpless. Literally, how can I live life in Chicago without her? Maybe a little pathetic but SO how I felt. So, I immediately pulled out my Bible desperately seeking refuge and peace. I fully intended to write Him a letter full of heartache and complaining :) And as I spent time with my sweet Jesus, I was reminded of his amazing grace and faithfulness that brought these two women into my life in the first place. After all, when I was all alone in this new big town I cried out to him for friends, relationships, connection with someone. I had best friends back home in Texas and didn't need that, "so Lord, could you just give me one friend?" And then, as he does, he gave me MANY close, best, friends!I had never stopped and realized how I went from NO people to LOTS of people! He took my prayer and gave me immeasurably more than asked for and imagined I needed. My complain-a-thon letter to Jesus turned into a love letter of gratitude.
I'm still sad that these women will not be apart of my day-to-day life (although with technology we can sure try) but I'm beyond grateful to have them in my life at all! Even when I thought I didn't need life-long friends He knew that I needed you BOTH!
Your fingerprints are all over my life and my heart and will be forever!

My dear friends, as you move into new (exciting) chapters in your own lives, I pray that you're filled with peace as you reflect on His faithfulness! I'm praying for amazing, rockin', understanding, foodies, compassionate, funny, laid back women of God who reflect his love and who propel you towards Him! I have no idea how I'm gonna live in Chicago without you but, I know I can rest assured in His faithfulness....whatever shape that takes. I love you dear friends and am grateful!
"Every time I think of you—and I think of you often!—I thank God for your lives of free and open access to God, given by Jesus. There's no end to what has happened in you—it's beyond speech, beyond knowledge. The evidence of Christ has been clearly verified in your lives."
1 Corinthians 1:4-6

Parenting TOTALLY Lives Up to the Hype

WOW! So I guess I stopped blogging immediately after Jack arrived. Can you believe it's been 6 months since he was born?!?!?

Life is busy, Life is full, Life is crazy.

Jack is basically the coolest little person I've ever met! I'm completely fascinated by him! There is no telling how many hours I've spent staring at him, playing with him, feeding him, rocking him, singing to him.

Now that Jack is here I'm surprised by all the good that comes with having a baby. I spent so much time as a pregnant person game planning for the worst. Not to say that I didn't know that it would be amazingly amazing. I figured it would be pretty great but some great things are catching me off guard. Like, I have become a much more efficient person in every area of life. I'm much more efficient at work! I work so hard so that I can leave right at 5 and not miss another minute with my little guy. I amazingly get more laundry done than ever before and more loads of dishes cleaned and put away. I didn't know I had it in me! :)
I thought I'd come to hate middle of the night feedings out of sheer exhaustion but I've come to find I love Jacks midnight snacks! It's my favorite time to sing, stare and marvel at this precious little bundle of pure goodness.
I am completely amazed at my own mother. I always have had a deep love for her but this just sends that love to new depths and appreciation. I had to call her and thank her for all the blow-outs she cleaned off of me, all the spit up she wiped off and all the countless hours of sleep she undoubtedly lost.
I'm more in awe of the love of the Lord and his unending pursuit of of his people. I'm not sure why this has come up at this point but I dig it.

The first time, he rolled over, noticed his fingers, ate his first cereal, smiled, laughed, cried a real tear, cooed, scream-talked, slept through the night - all these little things didn't seem little at all! I'm all of a sudden a beaming proud momma over the tiniest things (and they actually don't seem tiny they seem HUGE).

So far, SOOOO Good!

Delivery Story...

5pm:

It’s time to push! Everything looks so well that they think within 15-30minutes we’ll know if we were gonna have a son or daughter! We’re SO beyond thrilled! They start getting everything ready…It’s Go Time!

5-6:30pm-ish:

I push, and push and push! Jason was AMAZING! He blew me away by being the best coach I could have ever needed or dreamed of! Seriously he was a total rock star! He had decided he wasn’t going to look South during the whole thing but the nurse kept saying, “look there’s your baby’s head! Look!!” So to avoid feeling like the worst dad of all time he looked…and regretted it J I asked later if he say the head to which he exclaimed, “NO!” Jack’s head just kept coming out a little bit and then going back in. So, they decided to let gravity try and help and give me a short break by giving me 20 minutes, during which, my epidural wore off. I so didn’t care that it was gone. I was SO highly motivated to get to meet this baby I didn’t care! Bring on the pain, I thought, maybe this is the motivation I need!

6:30-8pm:

My nurse comes back and I push some more. The old doc comes in with a cup of coffee, sits in the rocking chair at the end of my bed and stare at my efforts. WEIRD!

I start to get a fever because my water had broken so long before. So, they start me on an antibiotic to avoid infection for me and the baby. My doctor finally said he thought it was time to try the vacuum to assist in the delivery. I remembered at my childbirth class the nurse saying if the doctor suggests this method it’s a last resort and we should listen to the doctor

AND I was so ready to meet this baby I was all about it! My hospital is a teaching hospital so as soon as we agree to the vacuum in come 8 or so additional residents and nurses to help and observe. He tells me I get 3 contraction or 9 or so pushes to try this with the vacuum. So it begins! I’m ready to meet the baby, find out the gender and impress my new audience. Contraction one…nothing. Contraction two…nothing. Contraction three…vacuum flies off the baby making a loud pop, the docs arm flies back and blood splatters on my new audience. Then

this experience started to feel like a sad scary movie!

They tell me we need to go to surgery and have this baby via c-section. I’m defeated! ALL that hard work, ALL that pushing, ALL that effort and I couldn’t do it. I’d be lying if I told you I still don’t feel any disappointment about not delivering the way I thought I would.

And remember how I was fine about my epidural being gone….I wasn’t anymore! I was in pain physically and now emotionally and I wanted to feel nothing. But, the anesthesiologist was busy with another patient and I had to wait for about 30 minutes (it may have been only 10 I’m not sure but it felt like an eternity). He finally came in to administer a spinal block but for whatever reason I still had feeling on my right side not totally but still enough.

8:30pm:

I get wheeled into the operating room and Jason joins me shortly after. I can feel too much and forget to breath through the pain. Luckily the sweet anesthesiologist reminds me I’m providing oxygen to my baby so I breath. I can literally feel the doctor climb on the operating table to push the baby into the right position. They quickly pull out our baby, hang him over the curtain and exclaim, IT’S A BOY! I look at Jason and say, “did they say it’s a boy? Did we get our boy?’

We both cry, hold hands tightly and say over and over, “we have our Jack”! They bring Jack by my bed for maybe 45 seconds to look at him and then quickly take him out of the operating room and I insist Jason go with him.

Little did I know that would be the only time I would see him that day.

9-11pm:

I’m in recovery completely drugged on morphine and the high of having my precious baby. Jason comes in to see me and looks SO sad! When I asked him why he says it was hard to watch me go though all that and not even get to hold our baby.

What he wasn’t telling me then was what happened to our sweet Jack.

When the vacuum popped off it left a pretty deep laceration on his head and since he was in the birth canal so long he had a bit of a cone head. So when Jason went back to the NICU with him his head looked like Jell-o. He said Jack looked like he’d been beaten up.

I’m so drugged I’m un-phased by not seeing Jack and drift off into a deep sleep.

5:30am:

I wake up crying and feeling desperate to hold my boy. We call the nurse, she gets me sitting up (not a small effort after surgery) and wheeled down to meet my precious Jackson Danger Burgett! I was immediately in love and dying to get him out of the NICU as fast as I could!

November 7:

It’s time for me to leave the hospital…but not Jack, he needs to stay in the NICU for a few more days. Leaving the hospital without a baby was a new kind of pain to me. My heart has felt broken before…this felt different, like part of my heart was ripped out and staying at that hospital. It felt like I was still pregnant almost cause I still didn’t have a baby to take home. So I stood in the lobby of the hospital waiting for Jason to pull around the car and cried. The valet guy came in and asked if I needed a cab!?!? How sad would that have been?

Side note-I had no idea this would happen. I didn’t swell AT ALL during my pregnancy but after I had Jack my feet were SO swollen I thought I needed medical attention. YUCK!

November 10:

We bring Jack home!

Jack stayed in the NICU for 6 days. Because of the fever I had coupled with the laceration he needed to be monitored and given an antibiotic. Praise the Lord NO permanent damage was obtained and he’s doing great! This was the best day ever! Our family was finally complete!

Overall this was not what I expected! I had a totally normal pregnancy, my labor was textbook (everyone kept saying) and then BAM it was the exact opposite of what I envisioned. I SO didn’t pack correctly for a c-section stay, didn’t mentally prepare for what went on. Recovering from 3 hours of pushing + surgery= NO FUN AT ALL! I still feel some disappointment with the way it went down but that feeling quickly goes away once I look at my perfect little boy’s eyes! God is Good!

A Labor Story...

Here's my attempt to finally tell Jack's birth story.

So, here's part 1.....

November 1st 2pm:

I have my last OB appointment and she strips my membranes (OUCH!) My parents were in

town and we were all anxiously awaiting Baby B's arrival. We went on a million walks, bounced on the exercise ball and prayed this baby would come quickly!

November 3^rd 3pm:

I start feeling contractions at work. I pull away from my desk, grip my belly and breathe quietly so as to not draw attention to myself. Heck, I’ve never been in labor before and this may very

well just be practice contractions. For whatever reason the thought of having a false alarm embarrasses me so I sit back quietly and just breathe. So much for looking inconspicuous,

Alicia, walks by and immediately asks if I’m ok. I say, “I think so, I just don’t feel good.”

5pm:

I leave work. When I get home I take a long warm bath remembering at my breastfeeding class they said if you do this and still have regular contraction they probably aren’t Braxton-Hicks but they also mentioned that if you “think” you’re in labor….you probably aren’t, You’ll know when you’re in labor. My warm bath results in simply more contractions. Although, I did loose

my mucous plug, which is about as attractive as it sounds.

7pm:

I come out to the living room with my parents and Jason and we attempt to watch Modern Family and eat dinner. However, the only thing that sounds good to me is bouncing on my huge exercise ball. So I bounce and bounce, and bounce, change positions and roll around…and

bounce some more. I feel horrible. I head to the bathroom and have some bleeding and decide I’m heading to the hospital.

11pm:

We get to the hospital (funny side note, Jason packs for a small army of people. He brings 2 suitcases a backpack, a pillow and hang up clothes….I bring a small duffle). We get into the triage room where they tell me I’m dilated to a 1 (same as November 1) but they want to

monitor me for a couple of hours. I’m laying there mortified that I’m about to be one of “those” women who comes in and has to be sent home. They come back and check and sure enough, I’m sent home...mortified!

2:30am-ish:

As we’re walking out of the hospital I’m feeling worse both physically and mentally. Jason and my dad go to get the car and my mom and I make it back into the hospital in time for me to pee (will later find out that was the beginning of my water breaking s-l-o-w-l-y).

3am:

We get home and attempt to sleep. I am up ALL night being SO dramatic! I’m literally clawing at our headboard begging the Lord for mercy, breathing, confessing to the Lord how weak I am and begging Jason to take me back to the hospital. Jason keeps reminding me that I always said I wanted to labor as much as I could at home…I SO didn’t at the time. My contractions go from every 5 minutes down to every 2-4 minutes. This was one of the hardest nights of my life!

7am:

I tell Jason, “Have mercy on me and call my doctor and tell her to get this baby out of me.” He

finally calls my doctor and tells her that I’m begging for the baby to come out – she agrees this is a good sign that it’s time and that I should come in. This is the WORST time of day to try and get to the hospital. It’s rush hour! I continue being dramatic and later think if anyone saw me in the car they must have thought I was being kidnapped by the way I was behaving!

9am:

We get checked in triage and I’m at a 4! Progression!

11am:

I’m still progressing nicely and get an epidural. This was the best moment! At this point I’m questioning the sanity of all my friends who give birth without an epidural (KIDDING...You ladies are rockstars!) it was so heavenly!

12pm:

I feel great! I have my makeup on, my headband in and I'm ready to push this baby out in style! My lovely friend Alicia brings my family lunch and hangs for a bit while I’m wrapping up work and checking emails. Hey, I didn’t expect to have the baby that day so I had to tie up some loose ends! Then I was able to Skype with Mercedes and Noel and Micah and Kathleen. It was SO nice to talk with them even though they are so far away!

Then I check Facebook and I kid you not, I have like 6 messages from all sorts of people saying they dreamed about my baby last night and that it was a boy and then I get 2 text messages from people saying something similar. WEIRD!

I then find out that my doctor isn’t on call and that another doctor will be over soon. OK, I wanted a woman to deliver my baby. I’m just more comfortable that way. So I picked a practice that was all women and one very old male doctor who they promised me would be so close to retirement by the time I had my baby that there was no way he’d deliver my child….I got the old man! Good thing we knew our nurse and she was outstanding!

5pm:

It’s time to push! Everything looks so well that they think within 15-30minutes we’ll know if we were gonna have a son or daughter! We’re SO beyond thrilled! They start getting everything ready…It’s Go Time!

Click Here for Part 2

Guessing Game

This is has got to be one of the hardest parts of pregnancy! I'm dying to know when I'm having this little baby and this not knowing game is awful!

I'm progressing in the right direction according to my doc - which is great! I've got 12 days until my due date and a list of to-do's a mile long!!!

I had horrible contractions last night. So much so that I was convinced I might just be in labor. I need at least 7 more days baby(my mom gets in town in 7 days)!!!

I can't wait to meet this little precious baby!

Wonder if this baby will look like me?

Just wondering lately if this baby is going to look more like me or Jason or neither....Here are some of my earliest pics. If I get some of J I'll post those too.
My how these things have changed!

A little graphic but, look at those lungs working!

My first official picture at the hospital.

Going home dress.

Me and my Sister!!!!

37 Weeks....Let the countdown begin

I cannot believe how fast this is going by!!! It's actually kinda scary how fast this is going. I just keep thinking this could be the last weekend just J and I...weird! It's one of those "make every moment count" moments.

The past 2 weekends we've gone to double feature movies both weekends, run loads of errands, and cleaned like crazy. I literally got on my hands and knees to mop my wood floors and scrub the carpet in my bedroom.

So, this weekend we're planning on doing some fun stuff throughout the city and living it up while we're not crazy exhausted :)

Things are crazy at work too! There is an insane amount of work to be done before I leave. So, I'm working like crazy to leave them well equipped to take care of business while I'm gone. And PRAYING like crazy I don't forget or drop something along the way (which I'm sure I will).

BAH!!!! Baby B, see you in a few weeks!